Blur

Life shouldn’t move so fast that we can’t find one another in the blur.
That we can’t look in each other’s eyes at the end of the day.
But some days it does.

When we stress
and worry
and busy
and hurry.
We hustle
& wrestle
& pass without a word,
racing to keep a leg up on
decisions & duties & dinner.
When we can’t pull off basic communication
Without misunderstanding
Or irritation
Or interruption
When we spend more time clarifying than communicating
And we’re too exhausted to work through it.
Life is so hectic there’s not even room
to
break
for a minute
to
breathe.

But then you stop me & find my eyes.
You remind me
I am human
And not a limitless force.
You remind me
I am yours.

Because,
if we don’t lean in today,
if we don’t share some skin,
if we don’t connect
or cherish
or see one another,
life will outrun us.
And we’ll find the kids have grown,
the years have passed,
the house has emptied,
and we have emptied,
strangers sharing space.

So today we’ll make it happen.
Today you’re mine,
and I’ll linger here for a minute
cause I hope you’ll always be.

Good Thing Going

There’s a nearness that comes from forgiveness
You to me
And me to you
There’s a safety
And pleasant relief
In knowing
There is no such thing
As too far gone
Or hopeless
Or unforgivable
Cause we’ve been there
To the very edge of it,
Stared past our toes
From the steep ledge of our demise.

He has slowly & gently
Even painstakingly
Won us back
From fear
And regret
And bitterness
And shame.
SHAME.
That part’s the hardest, isn’t it?

He is
oh so good
To entrust to us
This treasure,
This bounty,
Of knowing how deep & wide
& forgetful
His love is.

Every shattered dream
Every soul-heavy sob
Every we-are-never-going-to-recover-from-this
is wrapped up tight
in abundance,
in fearless love,
in His kindness.

We’re two giant screw-ups
And I like us that way.
Cause it means there’s always
Space here to
Loosen my grip
On “I deserve”
On “you should have”
On “why didn’t you?”
and “again?”
And instead,
to grasp tightly for that
strong, calloused hand
beside me
And bless the heavens
That we are
now delightfully forgivable.
Even when it doesn’t feel like it.
We can choose to love.
And that choice pays in abundance.

Next to you,
I know I am loved.
I know what we have fought for.
I know the price Love paid to make a way for us.
And though that bitter sorrow still stings on occasion,
it whispers daily to me about a Hope that doesn’t put us to shame.
About the deep well of my undeservedness.
About how you & I are in the hands of the Kind One.
And I can’t help but look at you & think
We’ve got a good thing going babe.

37 Years

Happy 37th Anniversary to my Dad & Mama.

Thanks for staying together in this world of quitting. Thanks for sticking to each other’s good when you could have very well gone after your own.

And thanks for teaching me that, even when it doesn’t appear so, staying together is my good. And his good. And the kids’ good.

Thanks for letting me watch the way the things work– pursuing, sacrificing, taking note, listening, forgiving & enjoying. You’ve taught me the hows of love.

I see the Giver in you.

Your marriage has carved a well beaten path before many of us (like the 11 grandchildren above)! May the coming years be among the very best.