Because

  I never could have guessed nine years ago tonight, holding that brand new, wide-eyed baby in my arms, that you’d be half as wonderful as you are.

That way you want just mama, and only mama, to snuggle you. Dad tries, but we both know it’s not the same. 😊

How you & I work, not because it’s natural, but because we’ve fought tooth & nail to act with understanding & negotiate patiently. 

Because we see each other’s junk so often & so magnified that we can’t judge the other with anything but grace. 

Because I can lay beside you quietly while you let your day out, & we end up talking for hours, not because we see eye to eye– but because we don’t, and there’s a wonder in that. 

Because you’re like your daddy in the very best ways. 

Because potty talk is your A game. And let’s be real: it’s mine too. And no matter how terribly we’re failing at manners, at least we’re both laughing till we can’t breathe. 

You’re a gift that I never knew I needed. A wisdom no book could sell. A human– a real-live, growing up human that I’m so thankful to have around. 

Happy Birthday my Judebug. Jesus has big things, loving things coming your way. May this year fill you up with a deeper longing for heavenward things, hopeful loves that hold you fast to Him. I love you dearly, sweet boy.

hey mama

.:hey mama:.
he studies me.
every move,
he’s watchin.
and I run by him
forty-seven
times a day
studying to-do lists,
& schedules
& obligations.
.:hey mama:.
he shadows me.
I rush past,
huffing
& muttering,
anxious hands
tangled in laundry
& dishes
& tennis shoe laces.
.:hey mama:.
and I walk right past.

Jesus, help me slow down.
help me stop to catch his eyeballs,
to hear his questions,
to sit still & hold him.
to laugh like I’m little again.

cause most of who he’ll be
one day
isn’t wrapped up in
target runs,
or homework
or piano lessons.
it’s in these tiny moments
we steal,
side-smiling
as we snuggle.

remind me
that this is the stuff,
these are the heart-making,
ambition-driving
soul-shaping,
who-he’ll-be
moments
that I wanna show up for.

they may not make us
on time
or tidy
or straight A students,
but they are the
brightest,
meaningfullest,
sum of our parts.
they are what sticks.
they are love
squished hopefully between
layers & layers of life
happening right before our eyes.
these moments are the glue.
if I stop to give them nothing else,
lemme stop to give them love.
lemme stop to give them You.

Light

though the darkness may hide you,
its merciless empty will
swallow
you
whole.
your secret,
held tightly
under cover of night,
is only a shield
from
relief.
so step toward the
warm,
step toward
the light.
and let your wounds be healed.
there is no shame
for you here.
just kinship
& nearness
& hope.
reach up,
reach over,
reach toward.
there is a Love
to lift your heavy;
you don’t
and you’ll never
stand alone.

Naked

Don’t be fooled–

That couch-sitting, makeup-less, unsucked-in, dirty-haired, unfiltered version of yourself is

YOU.

You cannot hide from her.

You may be able to
stuff her down
or slather her up
or run her until she feels a SMIDGE more toned.
Heck, you can even shroud her in all black, loathing her until she only comes out at night.

But there’s no mistaking–
that girl is YOU.

Hear this:
Jesus didn’t make you with a filter on.

He didn’t invent you to be the Hollywood version of yourself.

He didn’t craft a paper doll with a perfect wardrobe.

You, my dear, were woven in love.

You were knit together microscopically.

Every inch of you made
just
the
way
He’d hoped.
And He loves you just so.

So quit hiding.
Quit hunting.
Quit hating.

You have far more beauty to offer,
friend, than a mirror will ever tell.
Let Him shush those lies.
He is your maker & your keeper,
And His banner over you is LOVE.

Blur

Life shouldn’t move so fast that we can’t find one another in the blur.
That we can’t look in each other’s eyes at the end of the day.
But some days it does.

When we stress
and worry
and busy
and hurry.
We hustle
& wrestle
& pass without a word,
racing to keep a leg up on
decisions & duties & dinner.
When we can’t pull off basic communication
Without misunderstanding
Or irritation
Or interruption
When we spend more time clarifying than communicating
And we’re too exhausted to work through it.
Life is so hectic there’s not even room
to
break
for a minute
to
breathe.

But then you stop me & find my eyes.
You remind me
I am human
And not a limitless force.
You remind me
I am yours.

Because,
if we don’t lean in today,
if we don’t share some skin,
if we don’t connect
or cherish
or see one another,
life will outrun us.
And we’ll find the kids have grown,
the years have passed,
the house has emptied,
and we have emptied,
strangers sharing space.

So today we’ll make it happen.
Today you’re mine,
and I’ll linger here for a minute
cause I hope you’ll always be.

most of us

some of us are
movers
and shakers,
ambitious go-getters,
plate spinners,
tacklers.
some of us set our minds to something & make a million bucks.

but most of us are
quiet
and simple.
most of us are shepherds
and herders.
our tasks don’t seem so noble
or giant.
we feel mundane
and tired.
life is repetition & monotony.
we don’t feel like world changers
we feel like poop patrol
or garbage men
or rockers
or shushers
or negotiators.

but maybe it’s bigger than we think,
maybe wiping noses is more eternal than we know.
maybe calming the anxious child
or holding the insecure girl
or being present & in tune when no one else is noticing
is eternal.
what if all these long days
mean I’m losing my life so they’ll find it.

tune my heart to the truth that I’m not waiting around till they’re grown to accomplish something,
to mean somebody
to contribute to society.
that today, this hour
I am hugging life into children.
I am shaping their families
and futures,
and raising helpers,
healers,
and hopers.
my toil is not empty;
it is forward progress.
it is a worthwhile investment.
it is perhaps the most significant thing I will ever do.

because a child who knows he is loved
will grow up to share it.
and that’s just what this dreary place needs more of:
open hearted givers.

today I am exhausting myself for something.
in the quiet toil of motherhood,
lift my heart & theirs to the tune of Hope.
remind me, Jesus, that this weary repetition is not lost on eternity.
and when I forget, hold up my slumping frame
for I am weak & worn.